Abducting Ahmed

The British government should invite dear Mr. Ahmed and the Grand Supreme Leader of the Whole Known Universe Under Allah to "talk things over about their generous gesture" in freeing the "errant" British sailors. If they refuse, the SAS can be put to good use. Inventing a reason is mostly about showing the right GPS coordinates and making good use of Hollywood animation to render the right effects. The latter to pacify Iran and its allies, and the former to pacify all others.

I am sure the British military heads can think up plausible scenarios for the capture, but given their track record in propaganda in the Middle East, let me help them with the latter.

Have a scene of them enjoying Chivas Regal with topless lap dancers in their hotel room. Add in some dialogs.. "F*ck the 72 virgins. This IS heaven". For good measure, make them clean shaven, sticking on their faux beards just as they leave, spouting rhetoric about the Great Satan as they face the press outside... Lets see how Iran then reacts.

It's high time we stop pretending that the mosquitoes buzzing around our ears do not want to suck our blood, and start swatting them.