An eye for other eyes

A bionic eye could potentially restore sight
(link)

No shit!! And I thot it was just about the cool factor! That's what eyes are supposed to do stupid!!

But, really, bionic eyes would be be damn useful!!! Especially the wireless variety... it could come in real handy (no pun intended).

Some people twiddle fingers and pencils when they are bored. I could just pop out my eyeball and roll it around my hands. Oh come on... don't roll your eyes... roll mine!

Mobile communication would reach its zenith... The new Nokia 9090i ... and by 'i', we really mean it! Pop your eye out, stick it to the top right corner of the phone, and ... voila!! video conferencing on the move....

Lesser compliments for babies.. "The baby has a such a photogenic face.." - "Yeah, and soon he'll have photographic eyes too!!"

Voyeurs will be looking ahead to the time when the bionic eye hits eBay. "Uh..my eye feels itchy... CLICK"

Romance would seriously be hindered... "Honey, I will be away for a year... I wonder if you'll remember my face when I am back.." - "No problem, Srini... just say Cheese!" CLICK ... "Well then... catchya later!!"

The possibilities are endless.
Your colleague just patted your back? Wanna check for a kick-me sticker? No probs... pop it out and go for a 360' view.
Always cocking an ear for footsteps near your cubicle? Now make sure!

Marketing is gonna love this!!
" Irritating coworkers? Get the all new Medusa!! Guaranteed for 2000 frying looks . Rechargeable."
" Got a great poker face, but still manage to lose? Get PokerEye. Find out what cards the others have!!"
" Have shitloads of money? Here's quality for you! 24k Goldeneye Classic. Doesn't do shit, but then you've got money to blow!"
" Fancied yourself as a sailor? Inroducing the iEye Captain!! Built in telescope and sextant. Try the periscope software update today!! "
"Mirror mirror on the wall... You are not needed now at all.. Get a first hand experience of how you look... Today!!"

Conversation will be richer!!
"Dude, can you just keep an eye on these documents?" - "Ok, sure.." - "I meant as a paperweight"

Sorry chumps will have a new way of getting thumped:
"Where do you see bionic eyes on the ground?"
- "Beats me!"
"Under the Eiffel tower... hahhahhah... got you!!"

And think about the possibilities in sport. Lost your ping pong ball? No probs, a spare one's always there.

And don't buy all those stories of binocular vision helping in ping pong. It's all just clever marketing to sell you more bionic eyes...

The Hole In the Wall Wang

(BBC Link)

Apparently Nina Wang left her billions to her Feng Shui advisor... because he respects his philosophy. This is more hilarious than Sri Sri Ravishankar's patent for breathing ... How this Mr. Chan will use this is not exactly clear. I can just imagine this conversation in July 2002.

Chan: ... so you see, Feng Shui is not just about aesthetics. It is also about strong will power.

Nina: And how does this strong will power work?

Chan: You write a will, giving me the power, and I will make you strong.

Nina: But isn't that stupid of me?

Chan: No my dear daughter, you are here to learn my feng-shui philosophy. And my philosophy is so simple, and clear that it flies in the face of logic. It also says, wills are meant to be written, not talked about. So you need to be silent and patient. To provide a good reason to the press, appear reclusive. Helps your (insert feng-shui term here) too.

Nina: What I meant was.. won't I lose my money?

Chan: That is where feng-shui philosophy comes in. Instead of letting it lose your strong will power, I will guard it to give it back to you in your next life.

Nina: What if you spend it?

Chan: Irukkardhu illamayum irukkalaam. Illadhadhu irukkavum irukkalaam. Irukkardhum illadhadhum yaar kaiyil irukku? aaga irukkarche...

Nina: Ok..ok... I will change my will..

Apparently, an 'alternate' will has also surfaced, where Nina wants her money to go towards setting up a Nobel-like award system (I say, decide girl!..science or palm-reading?). The two groups could probably work out an arrangement towards an award system for the best contributions towards predictional-'sciences'. This will include crystal gazing, palm reading, numerology and what not. ( I hear gypsies somewhere going "Yahoo!!")

The first prize will be given in 2008, when the planets' straight line orientation will allow artificial gravity situations on Earth, allowing people jumping up at a certain precise time to feel a 'floating feeling'. The awards will start with a screening of the 'Number 23'. With Sri Sri Ravishankar and David Blaine judging, it will be a nail biting race to the finish as the best-in-the-world swamis, hippies, soothsayers, gypsies and Robin Sharma come together in the ring for a 20-man Royal Mumble. (Robin Sharma is forbidden from using his head as an additional crystal ball. Thats an unfair advantage)

"And the Wang for the best pig-entrails soothsaying goes to ..."
I wonder if Martha Stewards would agree to emcee.

A Twist in the Tale

link
The BBC does have a sense of humor...

Personalities

There were two interesting points I came across about personalities in the last week...

1. People conform to stuff that they think the society likes...
probably how Britney Spears and Skanky Whores sell.. no one else knows that the society does not find them appealing...

And this one is from Scott Adams' blog...
2. When you force people to think in a certain way (like writing an essay supporting a point of view they do not necessarily conform to), they start becoming that.

... and I love Adams' idea of making others think he is sexy using the second method...

Caste aside your differences...

...for this is a democracy, whose cornerstones have been liberty and equality.

It is a bit appaling how these two concepts get mixed up so easily in Indian politics (link)

The argument goes like this...
There was a set of people who were once discriminated against and their liberties were taken away. So, we will arbitrarily decide that a subset of people, which might or might not correspond to the people discriminated against be specifically allotted educational seats with no credence to merit.

It started with 10% reservations for the most discriminated against - the so called 'scheduled castes and tribes', which might have been fair, had it been properly implemented. Instead, in order to cover their own excesses, governments in power, one after the other have raised the quota in this bizzare human experiment, stirring up shit, and then standing back and watching the thing explode.

And now the problem has deviated... instead of helping the discrimnated, it is slowly becoming a tool for the most populous and vocal people, the other so-called backward classes chewing paans in white mercedes guided with a hand studded with 5 rings, to discriminate against everyone else. After all, who cares about the poor cobbler in the village surviving on five rupees per day?

Perspectives

When a cannibal is browsing for internet porn, he is probably looking for online food samples...

Top 6 Reasons William Wallace Rocks

6. He is a Scot....
And he has Irish buddies. Ubercool!! I can already see the beer and the linguistic adventures...

5. He wears a kilt with no undies.
Quote: "What would you do without freedom?"
Enough said. The only sore point is horse-riding... no pun intended.
Oww!! And his poor horse! No wonder it whinnied so much.

4. He has a kickass sword!
I mean!!! Just look at that sword!! And this... and this!!!

3. In your face attitude...
You cut my woman's throat... And I'll cut yours....
No shit about "in this life or the next"... He just finds his own noble cause after that (read reason 5)

2. He gets to scr*w a hot French princess...
... and leave her to fend for herself after that... :D
And, how many people can say "Scr*w the Queen of England!!!" and mean it?

And the last and the best reason....

1. He gets away with everything...
... face paint, throwing stones at people, yodeling, corny speeches, one night stands with princesses, slaughtering people he finds pissing off and even baring in public...

Personality

I know atleast two friends who will disagree with me when I say that personality assessment and classification tests and the current psychology-based self-help stuff is bullshit.

For (too) long, special seers, swamis and babas and witch-doctors and even gypsies have enamoured people by predicting the future, making personal assessments and assuring them of rosy forecasts. Palm reading, crystal gazing, psychological counselling, all these have helped people walk away from the couch with higher confidence, with a gut feeling that they know a wee bit more about themselves than they began with.

But how is it that a person, or a computer, running on formulae tends to know more about you within the span of 20 minutes (or 20 generic questions) than you have yourself known for the entire life?

The Barnum effect tells what I think about this accurately. Simply put, it is the ultimate example of successful marketing - selling a non-existent product. To quote Michael Crichton on medical journals, it is a "highly skilled, calculated attempt to confuse " the victim by offering explanations that the person believes are specific to him, but are so highly generic as to apply to anyone. The human brain's power of correlation then takes over, and matches the vague phrase to his/her own specific experience.

And this is precisely what makes psychology so powerful - the inner conditioning to stimuli. Everytime the brain recieves a stimulus of this sort, it relates back to how it can be justified, and how this 'new found knowledge' can be used for its own betterment. By activating the right desires in the brain, we stimulate ourselves to justify the explanation by living in a certain way, a way chosen by another person.

So how is this knowledge useful to me? What if I always look at positive phrases... even mumbo jumbo? ...Will it activate the correct parts of the brain?

My grandma used to say.. "Think positive"....

When you are a man...

... you sometimes have to wear sticky pants
- Ignacio "Nacho Libre"

Abducting Ahmed

The British government should invite dear Mr. Ahmed and the Grand Supreme Leader of the Whole Known Universe Under Allah to "talk things over about their generous gesture" in freeing the "errant" British sailors. If they refuse, the SAS can be put to good use. Inventing a reason is mostly about showing the right GPS coordinates and making good use of Hollywood animation to render the right effects. The latter to pacify Iran and its allies, and the former to pacify all others.

I am sure the British military heads can think up plausible scenarios for the capture, but given their track record in propaganda in the Middle East, let me help them with the latter.

Have a scene of them enjoying Chivas Regal with topless lap dancers in their hotel room. Add in some dialogs.. "F*ck the 72 virgins. This IS heaven". For good measure, make them clean shaven, sticking on their faux beards just as they leave, spouting rhetoric about the Great Satan as they face the press outside... Lets see how Iran then reacts.

It's high time we stop pretending that the mosquitoes buzzing around our ears do not want to suck our blood, and start swatting them.